


You're not her

by Faraheim



Category: The Maze Runner (Movies)
Genre: F/M, One-Sided Attraction, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2019-03-14 23:17:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13600530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Faraheim/pseuds/Faraheim
Summary: People think you don't see it. You don't want to, you aren't blind you are stubborn but that's a given so you walk as if it bothered you little. When the pity in their eyes gets too heavy you turn your face and grit your teeth.It hurts, you think maybe not as much as the disease but it hurts because at least you overcame that but this- this is chronic pain stretching because she will always occupy that place you'll never fill in his heart. She was first she's it for him even after everything.





	You're not her

Thomas is right you could never be her. You wouldn’t want to, to begin with.

People think you don't see it. You don't want to, you aren't blind you are stubborn but that's a given so you walk as if it bothered you little. When the pity in their eyes gets too heavy you turn your face and grit your teeth.  
It hurts, you think maybe not as much as the disease but it hurts because at least you overcame that but this- this is chronic pain stretching because she will always occupy that place you'll never fill in his heart. She was first she's it for him even after everything.

Even though when it mattered she was a traitor.  
She is it for him.

And it broke your heart in a million pieces when you watched him go, to her. Worse because you understood it wasn't for her.  
When you saw Newt lying on the floor, black festered blood tarnishing his pale skin. you understood.  
You always understand.

It always breaks your heart but you endure, it's not his fault. Never was. That you fell in love with him.  
That when he looks at you, you just want to follow. You go looking at his broad shoulders when he walks ahead and follow trusting he will get you throughout hellfire. 

At first you thought he was crazy (he is) but he can plan around things use you unconsciously for your skills like he knows every cell in your body.  
But then he looked at you in a way no one ever looked at you before and the trap was set. You fell and the crunch of your bones as the trap closed was heard by everyone in this galaxy but not him. He can't see you because Teresa. 

Teresa who no longer exists but lives in his heart. If it wasn't her you suspect there would be space for a blonde boy who also left. It's always a queue with him. Ducks in a row where you place last. Last to know him last to follow, he doesn't ask you to follow though. You might know him. You might have fought at his side. Ran with your soul on the line. Cried at him for him etc. But he doesn't ask because you are not inside. His labyrinth was closed with few people inside and you weren't there so good luck with that.

They look at you with pity. Their advice is _just forget him, give up_. Like it's easy, like you haven't tried? But you tried to and it's zilch, jack, nothing. It only leaves you empty. If you didn't love him like this people wouldn't say _just don't follow Thomas. Let him be. Don’t open up to him and run the other way_. Not to him. But people look at you and see an open wound. 

So you decide okay this is the end of the road. You can't look at his eyes and fall and fall and _fall_. You have to choose to live for yourself.  
It's been two years now. the island is settled people have a routine and survivors come up once in awhile. If not now when? when you can’t leave him? when you see him moving on- you just- you gotta go.

So when the time to go arrives, you do, quietly into the night like a thief.  
The old man has a kid on the way, he has a woman. (who asked you to call her mom. You don't. you never will but if she makes him happy you will smile at her) everyone is nice and cured.  
After the first wave of survivors came to the island a lab technician from the city managed to make the serum from Thomas’ blood. And then decided to cure the rest of the world in a peace world tour extraordinaire.  
So you leave letters to whom it may concern you pack you dry your tears and you sneak off into the ship with Mitch and the rest of the serum crew.

Is not that easy a hand stops you and you gasp. No you think frantically. Please let me leave.  
It's Jorge and he scolds you for going like this. Does it meant so little to you? After everything doing this to your father? The tears you were holding in place fall like waterfalls. _Great_ you mutter. This was what you wanted to avoid. But you hug him and both of you say goodbye. He understands and he gives you his blessings and an order to come back.

Of course. You reply quickly.  
This is only for a while. You plan on coming back. When you feel prepared. When looking at Thomas brings a real smile to your face and no resentment is hidden. It's not his fault you chant like a mantra in your head. He doesn't love you like you want. He doesn't have to. This is your problem and you plan to solve it. You are a doer. Sometimes it implies running away until the feelings go away too.

And as you watch the coast get further away from the ship you see them running. The boys are there looking at you. Thomas, Minho and Frypan.  
You wave and hope for the best. For them and for you.  
There was a time Before when you didn’t believe in hope and it is thanks to them that it changed.

Those letters didn't have anything beyond what they already knew. You didn't _confess_ none of that. You might be running but you're not a coward. Your feelings for Thomas shouldn't be a burden or an excuse. It would be like saying. Hey I'm leaving and it's because you don't love me like I want you to.

It's hard. The journey is demanding too. People at the rope’s end are monsters and it's sick. You understand the desperation.  
Once you scream you climb a surface vaguely resembling a table and you fire your gun. You ask for order or else. But you also explain that the crew is here to help everyone and that you aren't leaving until every single person is massaging their arm and looking less red around the eyes.

Mitch helps you descend the table and he smiles at you. Not like Thomas did. Not like a boy looks at a girl. But it makes you smile unconcerned and free. 

 

This is the beginning.

And it is.

 

The journey is not a weird Jesus revival where the crew offer miracles. Your lot teaches and tries to make the serum accessible, so it bit by bit makes the way. when Mitch decides is time to go, you move camp into the next place. 

 

Suddenly three years passed and your name never leaves Mitch’s too far behind. Both are synonym of hope and suddenly other countries resurface demanding for help. Make you ambassadors and you learn. Not genetics or stuff like that. Mitch takes care of that he went to a fancy lab for it. You are the bodyguard, the facilitator, the face. Thomas’ name is never mentioned ever. You forget he exists beyond the blue serum sometimes because you are so busy. Not for long though never.  
It helps.

Then that's it. That's the end of the journey and it's time to go back. Suddenly you are terrified and you shake. This decision of traveling the globe was to think about how to let go of him. You've been so busy you forgot. So you took all your memories and neatly placed them in a glass box that's cracked and it won’t hold the weight no more. Then you remember you are a doer Brenda you do stuff. And you repeat it until it becomes true again. 

You pack your clothes. You have dresses (you say dresses but it's more like 'dresses?') now but your hair is still short you look the part of someone important now but that's not the real you. Mitch knows the real you and when you give it all away you clean yourself from this persona you fabricated. He laughs and says he misses your boots and your comfy pants. You climb his back like a kid and respond. Yeah me too.

Once the old man told you a story where the hero comes back from the journey and every person he helped along the way helps him defeat the big bad monster at the end. It feels like that, the week it takes to come back home. Like all the things you did to help come back and fill you with determination and the love you felt for him is just a match when it used to be a forest fire.

Of course it doesn't erase your nerves. Mitch notices and confronts you about it and you spill everything. He is surprised but he opens his arms and engulfs you into his warm chest and it feels closer to home already. Now you are Brenda and Mitch. The crew thinks you are the half of a whole. Mitch is everything you can't be and it compliments you. He is a light that keeps the monsters at bay.

So when you finally reach the island it’s a surprise the changes you see. The place is looking up. Real houses made to last. Families.  
The crew and a few who you started to pick up on the road go in search of old friends. Mitch sees the boys and your old man and gives you a hug and space. He will find you later he says.

You are ready now.

Your old man hugs are still tight and warm and home. You hug everyone and it's okay.  
Thomas still treats you the same but it doesn't hurt.

You are free so you smile at him and catch up. You make plans while everyone watches you with sharp knowing eyes. You are not Brenda from that time. So you say you are starving and people drag you towards the food. You spy Mitch on the way so you snatch him up and bring him with you to meet everyone (again, because Mitch knows everyone but not like the unit they are now)

It all falls into place and rapidly you fit in the routine the crew and your old friends slowly intertwine it all falls into place. Your old man has a house but he has a family and you need your space now that you went and made a life for yourself out in the world. So you and Mitch plan and it's decided. A house for you two.  
it’s a source of good natured mocking that you both take with rolling eyes and confidant looks, it’s not what they think.

You find Minho and ask in a joking manner. So who do I gotta find to talk houses with? He says you’ve come to the right place and that’s that.

If everyone looked you weird before now is the same. But now there's a weird back and forth between Mitch, Thomas and yourself. It's funny. like you are not the punchline anymore. It's everyone else that are wrong footed but you feel like a tree with roots entrenched into the earth.

So you ride it out. The will they or won't they reveal the (nonexistent) affair between Mitch and you. When supposedly you were in love with Thomas. 

One day while you are eating with Mitch you feel it, and really look at him. You think you understand now, the love you have for Thomas it was love, it was part of you. You will never stop loving him as he was the first. but he isn't the only.  
Tthere’s still space in your heart, you are glad of it. 

Fifteen minutes later while you and Mitch wash the dishes he kisses you and that’s that.  
the beginning again.

 

When you look at his green green _green_ eyes you cry. shocked of the feeling, you are scared but it’s okay.

it’s the feeling when he holds your hand  
or the kisses at the side of your mouth  
it’s waking up and knowing he will keep you warm  
and when his long hair tickles your nose in the night  
half enjoying your arguments because he never gives you his back  
because you grip him with all your strength when he drives deep inside you and you moan

You are not her, you will never be her, but Thomas will never be him either.

this is the end  
and it is.

**Author's Note:**

> Mitch's name is Mitch because I didn't want to think hard on it, but he doesn't look like Dylan from that terrorist movie or any dylan.  
> WHEN THE MOVIE ENDED I WAS LIKE  
> BRENDAAA  
> also I cried.  
> I think Thomas wouldn't be able to love Brenda after everything. he might have moved on from Teresa (and Newt cough cough) and have a surprise child with a cool lady but he was done with love.
> 
> and Brenda hmmm I don't think she would want to be a mom but Mitch would have wanted kids. so he's the stay at home dad while Brenda works and she loves her kid  
> minho has like five kids and is happy i don't remember if the blonde girl was Newt's sister. but with her.  
> frypan has adopted kids 'cause he gay af his bf is from the serum crew. a super chill spanish dude with cute dimples. he is besties with Brenda and Mitch.  
> jorge's daughter Blanca is the designated nanny. bless her soul.  
> the end


End file.
